For the past year I’ve been unable to sell a humor piece I wrote not long after “actress” and “host” Stacey Dash appeared at the Oscars. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t funny or a good read. Therefore, I’ll be posting to this site many of the ideas I can’t get published for money. I can’t let great shit like this go to waste. I wouldn’t be doing my job. Enjoy!
A rumor has taken root that we pro-Black folks need to be aware of in case there’s any merit to the claim: Ibogaine, the highly psychedelic drug extracted from the African Ibola plant — written extensively about by gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson during the 1972 campaign trail — is once again sweeping through our political landscape and has now begun eating the brain of one of our more prominent and once quasi-talented actresses. I’m referring to none other than…Stacey Dash now of Fox News.
Journalist Geoff Edgars publicly asked whether The Cheeto had gotten hold of some Ibogaine recently in The Washington Post with no confirmation, but when last on the public radar Ibogaine addiction was rumored to have stricken democratic candidate Edmund Muskie from Maine. The rumor goes that Muskie succumbed to the powerful effects of the drug while campaigning for president. It’s never been proven to be anything other than rumor; the secretive nature of those refining and dealing the drug to unnamed underground sources and all.
Ms. Dash, most notable for her appearance at age 28 in the campy teen flick Clueless, became addicted during the filming of that movie, and other rumors have it that tree-hugging co- star Alicia Silverstone gave her her first hit. It’s been an obvious slippery slope because now she’s a crazy-ass, thrice-divorced, clueless Ann Coulter wannabe.
Ms. Dash has since been given a platform via Fox News to air her social and political views as a “contributor for cultural analysis and commentary.” What qualifies her for this position is unknown, but another rumored role she’s playing these days — one that for obvious reasons must be kept quiet — is that of official KKK mascot and white supremacist sex slave. Hard to believe I know, yet there are various anonymous sources backing this up.
As we know now, Dash has made various convoluted statements about racism and sexism during her show due to the side-effects of Ibogaine, including that there is no wage gap between the sexes in America, although she’s completely forgotten she’d been taken care of to the tune of $6,000 per month from an ex-fiancee (revealed recently in bankruptcy papers). Ibogaine can severely affect the memory and cognitive processes as well as cause severe psychedelic auditory and visual hallucinations. No confirmation yet about whether — given the known effects of ibogaine — Dash’s brain was almost paralyzed by hallucinations at the time; that she looked out during taping and saw gila monsters instead of people, and that her mind snapped completely. Word of mouth also suggests that Ibogaine was being tested in homophobic communities in what’s known as “conversion therapy” exercises. But our powerful LGBTQ community shut that right down as this community is NOT to be challenged and has shown repeatedly that when there’s a need for organization and political action, such action occurs.. The Black community however, has yet to display the same type of unity and focus, and therefore is hugely susceptible to the epidemic Ibogaine can potentially cause. Ibogaine with the once again-popular carcinogenic skin bleaching creams can be a deadly combination. Nasty stuff. We now know what poisoned the set of VH-1’s Single Ladies.
Ibogaine comes from the Ibola plant, native to Africa and the Bwiti people, which Ms. Dash surely will not like to hear. Since her experience using the drug seems to distort her image of her own people, Black people, rehabilitating herself will be quite a challenge. Ibogaine has been studied by the CIA in the 1950s for its potentially useful medicinal properties but isn’t approved for use in the United States. It’s psychoactive, which makes it quite useful in hallucinogenic mind- bending cult rituals. Dash says she gets her stash from a Dutch variant that has nothing to do with Africa; she got the hookup from Roger Ailes. The experience while under the influence of Ibogaine can be described as a two-phase experience: There is a visionary phase where the subject sees the world as totally distorted and detached from reality, and the introspection phase where a subject reflects on his or her fears and other more powerful emotions in order to process them. Ibogaine reached an all-time high in use during the early 1970s and then went back underground again, sources say until now.
Please, no matter what you do, DO NOT alert or alarm Ms. Dash to the psychotropic affects of Ibogaine unless she’s threatened the safety of another. The shock could permanently affect her brain. She has children, however, and therefore needs immediately help. Also worth remembering: all this is rumor; a rumor I made up. Nonetheless, please keep your children safe and educate them on the terrible psychedelic effects of Ibogaine.